Holding Hands

Lately, more and more, I have been nourishing myself by reading Hafiz and Rumi. Today, I opened "The Gift" by Hafiz to a random page, and the poem, "A Great Need" stared back at me with a wink and a smile. The poem encourages us to hold hands as we climb, stating that "The terrain around here is far too dangerous" to consider not holding hands, not loving, not being connected to others along the journey. What a true statement!

In our society which prides itself so much on the value of rugged individualism, we can sometimes put undue pressure on ourselves to go the rough patches alone. I remind myself that no one person really ever does anything alone. We need other people alongside us on the path. To listen to our stories and to share their stories with us. To give us a hug or a place to sleep or a mug of tea or a piece of sage advice when we need comfort and sustenance.

We learn so much from the world around us and are shaped and influenced by the people in our lives and the experiences we have had. Can anyone really say that they have achieved great things on their own? We are continuously learning from others and drawing inspiration from known and unknown sources. The interconnectedness among all people is a source of great richness. By tapping into the vast wisdom of those around us, those that have come before us, and all beings in the natural world where we live, our lives can be enriched in poignant and unforeseen ways.

As a counselor, I have noticed that my best work often comes when I allow myself to deeply surrender to the moment, to the experience of not knowing, and be present for whatever arises. My work with EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) has demonstrated this to me dramatically. EMDR facilitates the mind's natural healing processes, allowing people to work through trauma and blocks in their current lives - towards healing, inner harmony, and joy. In the midst of this process, people share the most profound, spiritual insights. Experiences of divine love (a felt sense of being deeply loved and intrinsically lovable) naturally emerge through metaphor and memories within the process of EMDR. Witnessing the sweetness of love unfolding is a true gift - and reminds me time and again of our interconnectedness. My role is to offer genuine caring, share my unyielding faith in the power for positive transformation, and be present in the moment as it unfolds.

We have within us a "Great Need" as Hafiz suggests. A need for community and connection. And a need for being seen, accepted, and loved. Walking together, holding hands, we can navigate any terrain. Today, I wish you fellow travelers along your journey - and the courage to extend your hand. Extend it not only as an offering of support to others but as a gift to yourself to be received in kind.

Risking Vulnerability

In July, The Resiliency Center hosted the second half of the EMDR Basic Training with trainer Barb Maiberger (from Boulder, Colorado) and twelve dedicated and caring clinicians. As a Certified EMDR therapist, I was honored to participate in the training as a consultant and to offer support and guidance to the therapists learning this new modality.  Over these three days, I felt inspired by the courage I witnessed in our practitioner community. A large part of the EMDR training is experiential, as therapists authentically engage from the roles of both counselor and client. Bearing witness to the risks taken by the community of clinicians in the EMDR training was deeply gratifying, as I saw tremendous openness, compassion, and health among this amazing group of practitioners.

Allowing ourselves to be vulnerable is rarely easy. While we may know intellectually that all people have old hurts and unprocessed “stuff,” we sometimes fall into the trap of thinking that, as practitioners, we should somehow be immune from the effects of our past experiences or have already worked through all of them. In reality, personal and professional growth is a lifelong endeavor, and our old wounds may surface time and again for deeper healing. Prioritizing time to do our own work is a key component of what keeps us well and thriving in our work – and in our lives. I know that my ability to be fully attuned and skillful as a counselor and consultant depends upon my own active process of healing and growth. I love engaging in this process. I love experiential trainings as well as acupuncture, massage, laughter yoga, journal writing, meditating, painting, and participating in a women’s group. I also love dialoguing with other professionals about their wellness practices. If you haven’t already responded to any of the posts on this blog, please do. I’d love to hear from each of you about how you keep yourself healthy. In what ways do you insure that you are keeping your instrument tuned?

Remembering our brilliance

It is important to remember our reasons for entering our profession. The desire we have to help others, early inspiration from some of our own teachers, a "calling" we may have felt to bring healing to those in need, a love for and fascination with people and the natural world. A passage I find uplifting that reminds me of my own gifts - and a passage I love sharing with clients to encourage them to see the best in themselves - is the following one by Marianne Williamson:

"Our worst fear is not that we are inadequate.  Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.  It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.  We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and famous?  Actually, who are you not to be?  You are a child of God; your playing small doesn’t serve the World.  There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the Glory of God within us.  It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone, and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.  As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Reading inspirational words

One thing that nurtures my resiliency as a helper is to read inspirational writings. I have a collection of favorites (so far in my travels). Today, I want to share one with you. Here goes:


The Invitation
By Oriah Mountain Dreamer

It does not interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for,
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

It does not interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow,
If you have been opened by life’s betrayals or
have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain!

I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own,
without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own,
If you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips
of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful,
be realistic, or remember the limitations of being human.

It does not interest me if the story you are telling me is true.
I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself,
if you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.

I want to know if you can be faithful and therefore be trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see beauty even when it is not pretty every day,
and if you can source your life from God’s presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine,
and still stand on the edge of a lake and shout to the silver of the full moon,
Yes!!

It doesn’t interest me to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair,
weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done for the children.

It doesn’t interest me to know who you are, how you came here.
I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me
and not shrink back.