A Cautionary Tale

This week, I heard a disturbing story about another helping professional. I received a call from a woman in the midst of an emotional crisis. She had sought out the services of another counselor first, a licensed therapist in practice for more than 20 years who had earned the respect of other mental health professionals throughout her career. During their third session together, this practitioner “nodded off” three times. When the client courageously confronted this person and asked for an explanation, the therapist acknowledged her tiredness and disclosed that she had been experiencing physical health problems, been in the hospital the previous evening, and had thirteen client appointments that day that she felt unable to cancel. The client had been in pain before and during the session and felt even more isolated and distressed after this experience.  This therapist had prioritized seeing clients over her need for sleep and follow-up health care. Both she and her clients suffered as a result.

When I heard this report, my initial response was one of anger and incredulity. How could a therapist consider scheduling 13 clients in one day? How could a practitioner think it was okay to see clients when so clearly tired, distressed, and impaired? I had trouble wrapping my head around the situation.

But, then I reflected back on my four years as part of the American Counseling Association’s Task Force on Counselor Wellness and Impairment – and what we learned. We are all somewhere along the continuum from well to stressed to distressed to impaired. However, we are not always clear about where we are on that continuum. In a survey of counselors, people were fairly likely to identify a colleague as stressed, distressed, or even impaired; however, they rarely identified themselves as stressed or distressed and outright denied any signs of impairment.  If we are unable to see or acknowledge our distress, we are unlikely to take the steps necessary to nurture ourselves back towards wellness. Our progression along the continuum towards health or illness does not happen in a moment or from one experience, but, rather, gradually over time as a result of our beliefs, our isolation, accumulating stressors, and the lack of support (or receptivity to support) from colleagues, friends, and family who could challenge us to curb potentially destructive patterns of behavior and self-neglect.

Further reflection on this recent discovery about another professional helper has inspired sadness and compassion for this struggling human being, as well as gratitude for the cautionary tale her unaddressed distress (and resulting impairment) provides us. 

Please take excellent care of yourselves. If concerned about a colleague, let them know. Our ability to help others depends on our ability to help ourselves first. 

Time to "Do Nothing"

How often do we allow ourselves time to “do nothing”? When do you carve out space in your hurried schedule to sit or walk or reflect or play, without an agenda or an intended outcome? Regular practices of meditation or yoga or journaling – or even naps – are wonderful opportunities for rest, self-care, and self-reflection. In addition to these, I wonder about experiences of spontaneity, the choice to cast aside our routines and tasks lists and follow the whispers for whimsy in our everyday lives. When do you give yourself time – in your own home, in nature, on vacation, in a neighboring city, in the mind and soul of your creative impulse – to follow a random trail of your thoughts, feelings, and impulses and simply see what happens?  How often do you drive right off the map into unchartered territory for no reason whatsoever – except that you feel like it?

For me, I realize I don’t intentionally devote nearly as much time to this spontaneous experiencing as my heart desires. I remember, as a child growing up, how expansive time seemed. It seemed there were endless possibilities for play and adventure, limited only by the sun rising and falling in the sky and the occasional steady rain that drove us indoors.  I remember fondly how we would play detective games in which everything we noticed was another clue revealing itself, moving us a step closer to solving the mystery at hand.

Today, I continue to embrace a sense of mystery, continue to find people and nature and the universe endlessly fascinating.  I cherish those moments during which I allow myself to step out from behind the driver’s seat and to look for “clues” to the questions that excite and haunt me.  I love noticing numbers – and looking up what significance they may have. When an animal or bird catches my attention (e.g. spotting a red fox or a skunk in my yard or seeing Canadian Geese on my drive into work), I enjoy reading about possible symbolism, exploring the idea of animals as messengers along my journey.  Sometimes I embrace the random in even simpler ways, such as setting my ipod to “shuffle” and letting the music lead me where it may.

Nothing enchants me like the promise of entire day without anything planned. When people ask me, “What are your plans for the weekend?” and I respond with “Nothing,” they may notice my smile and the twinkle in my eye.  I love that “nothing” can become anything at all. Instead of accepting societal biases that label down time as unessential or doing “nothing,” I wonder if, instead, the time we devote to “nothing” may actually be the very zest of life.  

Enjoying life’s unexpected gifts and simple pleasures

This morning I was blessed to experience – and notice I was experiencing – a series of pleasantly surprising and truly enjoyable moments.  It began on a visit to my chiropractor’s office. Donna Funk is a network chiropractor and works simultaneously on several different people (allowing your body to rest between adjustments). Between Donna’s skill, the comfortable tables, and the peaceful music, the experience of having Donna work on you is relaxing and transformative. There were five of us on tables during my visit this morning, and, as sometimes happens, we somehow ended up engaging in a very funny conversation. Today’s topic was   “Chocovine.” Chocovine is a chocolate-infused dessert wine from Holland. We were all giggling at the thought of drinking chocovine through straws as we lay face down on the tables getting adjusted. We broke into laughter at the idea that we could create a wildly funny commercial endorsing Chocovine and our chiropractor, beaming in unison about how “divine” our experience had been. Getting adjusted, laughing, enjoying community – What a fabulous way to start the day!

From my chiropractor’s office, I headed out on some errands. I marveled and rejoiced when the first spot in the parking lot was available for me at, not one, but all three of the stores where I went. Amazing! Then, at the bank, they were able to resolve a previously complicated issue with ease and humor, and I really enjoyed talking with the bank employee who helped me. After this, I went on my Blackberry and scrolled through Facebook posts, only to learn from my friend Edie Weinstein that today is “Wiggle your toes day.” This piece of information not only caused me to wiggle with glee but to giggle enthusiastically. What fun! Since being trained in laughter yoga in June - and engaging in a regular laughter yoga practice since then - I have been able to laugh more and more easily. I love laughing, and I love sharing laughter yoga with others. I find myself opening to deeper experiences of joy and love. 

When I settled down on the couch at home to read a book later, my two kitties snuggled up beside me. On my right, sweet Zoe had her paws criss-crossed in front of her, resting gently on my leg.  On my left, Lucy placed her little head on my lap and purred. What a beautiful moment to celebrate! Filled with gratitude for this wondrous morning, I sat down to write and share my experiences with all of you. While seemingly simple, and possibly insubstantial to some, this lovely tapestry of moments uplifted my spirit and energized me for the day ahead.

Today I wish you moments of laughter, love, and pure joy – and an open heart with which to experience the mini-miracles around you every day.