Reap What You Sow and How You Sow - Republished from Social Work PRN

Reap What You Sow and How You Sow

by BECKY BLANTON on AUGUST 11, 2011 · 0 COMMENTS

Soil, it appears, is no respecter of seeds. Good soil will grow whatever is planted in it – be it weeds, tomatoes or grass. It’s not really particular about how the seed gets there either. It can blow in, be dropped on the surface, planted, and transplanted or root from a vine that creeps down from a planter. Soil has one job – to provide nutrients to what is sown.

It’s a lot like the human brain that way. Whatever thoughts, bias, beliefs, words or concepts are blown or sown into our awareness, through books, movies, video games, conversations or friends – the brain will nurture those things, grow them and make sure we reap what we have sown – for good or bad.

By consistently weeding my garden this summer I’ve kept the plants I didn’t want – the crabgrass, clover and whatever – out, and allowed the plants I did want, tomatoes, squash, peppers and herbs, to flourish – at least until the squash bugs invaded.

Sowing and reaping has become a metaphor for me in other ways. I’ve watched my fears; my doubts, my confidence and my habits grow just as easily as my garden has. What I’ve learned of course is that the old clichés are true – what you water grows, pluck out the bad or undesirable thoughts before they have a chance to grow and so on. But I learned something else I did not know:

What vegetables you plant next to each other impacts how each plant grows. By planting basil next to my tomatoes for instance, I inadvertently helped both plants grow bigger and stronger and increase the flavor of both plants!

The pungent odor of marigolds keeps certain diseases and bugs off of tomato plants.

I learned that I shouldn’t plant fennel next to tomatoes because it inhibits their growth – which is true in the corner where I planted one tomato plant next to fennel. It is the smallest plant in the garden.

There are dozens of combinations of plants you should or should not plant next to each other. Some combinations include providing shade for a plant at a critical growth stage; others involve plants that compete for the same nutrients versus plants that give back beneficial nutrients.

It’s all very fascinating and complex to me, a new gardener. But it occurred to me that by combining certain habits and thoughts in my life I can also inhibit or support the thoughts and habits I’m planting. By combining exercise and breakfast, working out early instead of waiting until my sleepy afternoon energy lull, my exercising has gone so much better because it’s actually easier to go in the morning and nap later rather than sleep in.

By making the phone calls and doing the things I don’t enjoy doing after I eat lunch instead of on an empty stomach, I’m less likely to be grouchy and impatient and more likely to be calm and relaxed. Those are the obvious things. But when I made the connection around environment, energy, mood, habits and other things I realized that by grouping certain things with other things (no matter how bizarre it may seem to other people) I can get more done with less effort.

If you’ve been in the profession any amount of time you know that who you schedule as your first or last appointment can set the tone for your day, or for your evening.  Not many LCSW want to come back from lunch to their most non-stimulating client of the day if they tend to be sleepy after lunch.

If client placement in your day is so important to conserving energy and attention, what about the rest of your life? Do you really think about how you group things like dinner? Paperwork? Meetings? Exercise? Self-care? Vacations? Dating or time with your spouse?

Married friends of mine have a regular “date night” once a week so they can get away from the kids for a few hours. The dates had been mostly stressful and filled with talk of the kids and non-romantic things and not going very well. They even talked of stopping the practice. Then their work schedules one month forced them to change date night to a Wednesday night instead of the usual Friday night. What they found was they were less stressed in the middle of the week and had more energy. Date night became fun!

They realized that by going out on a Wednesday instead of a Friday they weren’t thinking of the next day and all the soccer games, kid’s sleepovers, laundry, cleaning and chores they had to do over the weekend. They could relax and enjoy each other’s company, knowing all they had the next day was work. The restaurants they liked were less crowded, almost empty, as were the theatres and other places they typically visited on a Friday night. The trade-off was they were up later on a work night, but realized they slept better with a mid-week break so the change worked.

The added bonus was that instead of date night with each other, Friday nights became date night with the kids, enabling them to spend time with their children watching DVDs, eating pizza, playing games and just hanging out before they all went in six different directions the next day – a Saturday.

You’re going to reap what you sow, so why not plant your life in a way that what you reap is the best it can be?

Balancing Public Awareness with Media Over-Exposure

Limiting my exposure to media is one of the ways I support my resiliency – and a key ingredient in my ability to stay present to the pain of those I serve.

Yesterday, I found myself horrified and saddened when learning about the violent rampage in Arizona yesterday where Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords was shot. The Congresswoman was participating in a “Congress on Your Corner” event, at a Safeway grocery store in the community she represented. Six people were killed, including a nine-year old child. A total of twenty people were shot in the senseless assault, all victims of a young 22-year old man with a history of problems.

I’d had a full day yesterday, including an enjoyable road trip with my husband. We’d been away from the radio or television for hours, so it wasn’t until I was checking friends’ Facebook posts later in the evening that I first caught wind of the news. I noticed my impulse to go online and learn everything I could about what happened. What had happened? Where did it happen? Who did this? Why? 

Reading, in reverse order, the chronology of news reports as they had funneled in, I gained a basic picture of the “what” of the day’s events, but the “why” remained, for the most part, foggy speculation. As best as anyone can figure, the man who plotted to kill Giffords was angry, and he convinced himself he had identified a target for his rage.  Reviewing the news reports, I found myself incredulous, questioning why someone would kill another human being. Could someone really believe violence was the solution for a difference of opinion? Is this a world where people believe killing innocent citizens and a nine-year old child is justified to “make a point”? I just sat there, shaking my head, stunned, sad.  

This internal searching, this predisposition to ask questions of “Why?” and “How?” may be a positive attribute in my work as a counselor, but when it comes to distressing events in the news, I've learned that it can also become a liability. Curiosity can drive us to vicarious trauma through media over-exposure if we are not cautious.  Generally, being informed about major news stories can be useful - if only to provide a bridge to clients and colleagues whose thoughts may be influenced by the recent sad events. However, I have learned over time to pause and assess when enough media on a particular story really is, enough. 

I think I learned this most poignantly after the tragedies on September 11^th. The news media covered the day’s events around the clock for days and weeks – and information and interviews continued to be in the foreground for many months beyond that. I knew too many people who became so engrossed in watching these stories unfold that they disconnected from their lives and loved ones – becoming unable to listen empathically to the stories and hearts of those around them. I witnessed some parents whose own obsession with viewing the day’s unfolding details unwittingly harmed their children, as the children were exposed to graphic images of violence that haunted them for a long time thereafter. Some colleagues became so consumed by the media stories, the questions being asked, and the heartache flooding the airwaves that they lost their ability to be present emotionally with the everyday hurts our clients expressed.  As for me, I did watch the news for the first few days after September 11^th . . . and then I stopped.  I knew that if I allowed myself to watch too much, I could become flooded by images and emotions, vicariously traumatized, and rendered useless in my work. Instead of disconnecting from those around me, I unplugged from the media. I limited my exposure and remained open to clients, friends, and family.  I trusted that I knew enough about what had happened – and could let the rest go.

Last night, I read the news online for a while and then made a conscious choice to turn off my computer.  I was struck by the tragedy in Arizona, yet I knew it was in my own best interest to discontinue my searching and reading, to unplug from the media for a while and regain my own center. I chose to brew a cup of tea, read my Spirituality and Health magazine (a favorite), and begin to unwind for the day.  I am so glad I did.  It feels good to listen to and trust what is right for me.

Being human, I can still feel the tug of a compelling “why” from time to time. It helps me to pause, to take a deep breath, and to accept that some things happen that defy comprehension. It also helps to refocus my attention on the love and goodness in my life and the work I do each day to make a positive difference in the world.