During this busy holiday season, the invitations to spend time with friends and family are often abundant. I feel fortunate to be the recipient of so many extensions of friendship and love. This year alone, my husband and I juggled invitations to two holiday “game night” gatherings, a holiday music extravaganza, a Winter Solstice Concert, two gatherings with work colleagues, and visits with parents and siblings living at a distance. Unfortunately, we couldn’t join every celebration even though we wanted to. As is often the case, several things overlapped. Early invitations and time with family won out. Those with large extended families may have an even busier calendar, keeping them active and running throughout these early Winter weeks.
Determining how to prioritize the many tugs on our time during the holidays can be quite challenging. With our focus so often on hosting and attending gatherings, some may find it difficult to carve out quiet, reflective time in solitude. Others may find they are disproportionately spending time alone – and may need to seek out community even when the call to isolation beckons.
For me, I am struck by how much more I sometimes try to squeeze in to these shorter days of Winter, and I wonder if I might not be a little calmer and more content if I gave myself permission to follow the bear’s lead and hibernate. I know that quiet reflection can be a curative balm for my spirit. Yet, I often struggle to create time for it, as the fast pace of the season catches me in its current. Slowing down and prioritizing time for myself is as essential form of self-nurturing. Even more so during these busy times. When we are running from thing to thing without allowing much time to process and digest and just sit, we can become tired and frazzled. When we are already depleted, we may become more vulnerable to absorbing the stress of others. As helpers who witness others’ pain and extend ourselves with compassion, this season can be especially challenging. Through empathy, we vicariously experience the grief that often accompanies the holidays– felt empathically in the presence of those suffering and heard through their stories of loss, despair, and family fragmentation. Providing support to others in their darker days requires us to be resilient in our right. Our resiliency is fostered through a balance of enjoyable time in connection with others and replenishing time in quiet reflection.
Noticing the tension between the pull to be social and the desire for solitude, I’ve been able to say “no” a little more readily to others and “yes” a little more easily to time for myself. Spending time cooking delicious and nutritious meals has been especially healing and restorative for me lately. I also thoroughly enjoyed a Winter Solstice Singing Concert I attended, as it encouraged reflection, included silent meditation, and helped me connect with the meaning of the season. Since then, I’ve been enjoying time listening to favorite holiday music and jazz – and cherished the look, feel, and sounds of the candle’s flame and the crackling fire.
As we enter into this New Year, I wish you peace, joy, love – and the nurturing balance of solitude and community that is right for you.
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