Holding Hands

Lately, more and more, I have been nourishing myself by reading Hafiz and Rumi. Today, I opened "The Gift" by Hafiz to a random page, and the poem, "A Great Need" stared back at me with a wink and a smile. The poem encourages us to hold hands as we climb, stating that "The terrain around here is far too dangerous" to consider not holding hands, not loving, not being connected to others along the journey. What a true statement!

In our society which prides itself so much on the value of rugged individualism, we can sometimes put undue pressure on ourselves to go the rough patches alone. I remind myself that no one person really ever does anything alone. We need other people alongside us on the path. To listen to our stories and to share their stories with us. To give us a hug or a place to sleep or a mug of tea or a piece of sage advice when we need comfort and sustenance.

We learn so much from the world around us and are shaped and influenced by the people in our lives and the experiences we have had. Can anyone really say that they have achieved great things on their own? We are continuously learning from others and drawing inspiration from known and unknown sources. The interconnectedness among all people is a source of great richness. By tapping into the vast wisdom of those around us, those that have come before us, and all beings in the natural world where we live, our lives can be enriched in poignant and unforeseen ways.

As a counselor, I have noticed that my best work often comes when I allow myself to deeply surrender to the moment, to the experience of not knowing, and be present for whatever arises. My work with EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) has demonstrated this to me dramatically. EMDR facilitates the mind's natural healing processes, allowing people to work through trauma and blocks in their current lives - towards healing, inner harmony, and joy. In the midst of this process, people share the most profound, spiritual insights. Experiences of divine love (a felt sense of being deeply loved and intrinsically lovable) naturally emerge through metaphor and memories within the process of EMDR. Witnessing the sweetness of love unfolding is a true gift - and reminds me time and again of our interconnectedness. My role is to offer genuine caring, share my unyielding faith in the power for positive transformation, and be present in the moment as it unfolds.

We have within us a "Great Need" as Hafiz suggests. A need for community and connection. And a need for being seen, accepted, and loved. Walking together, holding hands, we can navigate any terrain. Today, I wish you fellow travelers along your journey - and the courage to extend your hand. Extend it not only as an offering of support to others but as a gift to yourself to be received in kind.

Welcoming Prosperity, Welcoming Love

In preparing for the next series of practice-building workshops I’ll be offering this Spring, I found myself reflecting on the topic of prosperity and the internal blocks that so many skilled healthcare professionals encounter as they start, shift, expand, and grow their practices. Working individually and in groups with practitioners, I hear a wide array of inner block experiences, and several themes emerge. They include fears about scarcity and competition, guilt and confusion about whether or not it is okay to earn a comfortable living as a healer, and worries about whether it is possible to be prosperous doing work one truly LOVES.  While there are always practical considerations in growing a practice (location, startup costs, defining your specific niche, etc.), these details are rarely the places where people get stuck. Instead, the deepest blocks typically present as a crisis of faith. Here, faith can refer to faith in oneself, one’s skills, and one’s unique way of helping. It can also be understood as faith in God, the Universe, or one’s personal sense of spirituality or meaning. Those in private practice need faith that when they offer their heart, skills, and deepest passion, the world will support and receive them well. When we step forward out of fear, instead of love, we may move tentatively, creating only half of the life we envision or trusting our heads more than our hearts and designing a practice that “makes sense” but leaves us feeling bored, drained, uninspired, or burned out. Or, when listening to fear, we may not move at all.

Reflecting on this topic as I sat outside enjoying this warm Sunday, some words from the Sufi poet Hafiz came to mind. Hafiz challenges us to surrender to love, to see the divine in ourselves, and to engage our sense of play through dance, song, and laughter. Two poems in particular were moving through my mind as I enjoyed the flowering trees, sunshine, and light breeze today. The first was “The Sun in Drag” in which Hafiz writes:

You are the Sun in drag. You are God hiding from yourself. . . .

The appearance of this world is a Magi’s brilliant trick, though its affairs are nothing into nothing. You are a divine elephant with amnesia trying to live in an ant hole. . . . You are God in Drag!

The second is “Now is the Time” which concludes with these lines:

What is it in that sweet voice inside that incites you to fear? . . . .  This is the time for you to deeply compute the impossibility that there is anything but Grace.

Now is the season to know that everything you do is sacred.

Inspiration is important for our sustenance as healers, and both of these poems inspire me to remember my personal sense of meaning in this work and in this world.  For me, my best work is not solely of me but rather moves through me.  Yes, I have specific training, an advanced degree, and much learned wisdom. However, when I am most in the “flow” in my work, I am more than my training. I am intuitively connected to the person with whom I am sitting, and I am doing work I truly LOVE and that empowers, fascinates, and energizes both of us.  I believe that whenever we are clear with our passion and our path, prosperity follows. Faith doesn’t preclude the necessity for hard work; instead, faith makes the hard work and perseverance possible.

Risking Vulnerability

In July, The Resiliency Center hosted the second half of the EMDR Basic Training with trainer Barb Maiberger (from Boulder, Colorado) and twelve dedicated and caring clinicians. As a Certified EMDR therapist, I was honored to participate in the training as a consultant and to offer support and guidance to the therapists learning this new modality.  Over these three days, I felt inspired by the courage I witnessed in our practitioner community. A large part of the EMDR training is experiential, as therapists authentically engage from the roles of both counselor and client. Bearing witness to the risks taken by the community of clinicians in the EMDR training was deeply gratifying, as I saw tremendous openness, compassion, and health among this amazing group of practitioners.

Allowing ourselves to be vulnerable is rarely easy. While we may know intellectually that all people have old hurts and unprocessed “stuff,” we sometimes fall into the trap of thinking that, as practitioners, we should somehow be immune from the effects of our past experiences or have already worked through all of them. In reality, personal and professional growth is a lifelong endeavor, and our old wounds may surface time and again for deeper healing. Prioritizing time to do our own work is a key component of what keeps us well and thriving in our work – and in our lives. I know that my ability to be fully attuned and skillful as a counselor and consultant depends upon my own active process of healing and growth. I love engaging in this process. I love experiential trainings as well as acupuncture, massage, laughter yoga, journal writing, meditating, painting, and participating in a women’s group. I also love dialoguing with other professionals about their wellness practices. If you haven’t already responded to any of the posts on this blog, please do. I’d love to hear from each of you about how you keep yourself healthy. In what ways do you insure that you are keeping your instrument tuned?

Spiritual Sustenance

This past weekend, I had the great honor of participating in a Spirited Explorations workshop, hosted by Sacred Journeys (www.oursacredjourneys.com) and led by Andy McClure and Maria Buckalew. The weekend combined music, art, poetry, ritual, laughter, tears, movement and dance, play, and spontaneous improvisation within a supportive container of community. This was the fourth spiritual growth weekend of this type that I’ve attended through Sacred Journeys, and each experience has inspired deeper self-reflection, sacred connections within a loving community, and greater levels of healing.  One of the biggest takeaways from these weekends is always a powerful felt sense of the “Big Love” – the magnificent, transcendental experience of the unconditional love and interconnectedness of all beings.  Awakening to the Big Love is true spiritual sustenance for me.

During this past weekend, I read a lot of Rumi’s poetry – to myself and aloud – and felt transformed by connecting with Rumi’s experiences of the Divine and by engaging at such a deep and intimate level with other travelers on the spiritual path. One of the participants described the weekend workshops, previously called “Shaking Medicine,” as an adventure in “dancing with God.” During our sacred time together, Andy suggested, “We are the drums upon which the gods play.” We are actively co-creating the experiences throughout the weekend, but there is also a strong element of surrender. When we bring openness to self, to community, and to spirit, we are changed and blessed.  We surrender to the mystery, not knowing what will happen during the weekend or how our lives after the weekend may change in response to the growth that occurs when together.

For me, some of the sweetest and most remarkable mysteries this past weekend occurred during the Giveaway Ceremony. We each brought a wrapped item that held some personal meaning for us, placed those anonymously in the circle, and then randomly selected a new item to take home. The exchange was magical. Each person received something absolutely perfect and appropriate for who they were, why they were there, and where they were on their journey.  We marveled at the poignancy of how our stories intertwined and how the gifts we brought ended up in the hands of people who needed them and with whom we’d made meaningful connections during the weekend. As for me, I host a drumming circle at The Resiliency Center, and I received a fabulous new rattle. It was similar to one I had previously, loved, and accidentally broke. It’s a playful instrument and absolutely in keeping with what I am seeking in my life at this time. A community member who has struggled with dyslexia throughout his life but has started reading more and more recently received an absolutely beautiful book and wept. To witness the mystery unfold in such personally meaningful ways for each person was stunning and inspiring. It further strengthened my faith in the Divine and in my place in the magical web of life. Despite the seeming contradiction, I have found that the further I open to the mystery, the more loved and less lost I feel. In the mystery, all things are possible. I am grateful for this growing spiritual community, for the opportunity to connect with such amazing men and women, and for experiences of the Big Love that support me on my journey to be and become my highest self.

Today, I wish you magic and mystery and spiritual sustenance on your travels. Whether you define spirituality as a direct connection with God, walking in the woods, participating in a religious community, deep communion with other people, or time alone in meditation or prayer, I wish you nourishment. 

Balancing time in reflective solitude with time spent in community

During this busy holiday season, the invitations to spend time with friends and family are often abundant. I feel fortunate to be the recipient of so many extensions of friendship and love. This year alone, my husband and I juggled invitations to two holiday “game night” gatherings, a holiday music extravaganza, a Winter Solstice Concert, two gatherings with work colleagues, and visits with parents and siblings living at a distance.  Unfortunately, we couldn’t join every celebration even though we wanted to. As is often the case, several things overlapped. Early invitations and time with family won out. Those with large extended families may have an even busier calendar, keeping them active and running throughout these early Winter weeks.

Determining how to prioritize the many tugs on our time during the holidays can be quite challenging. With our focus so often on hosting and attending gatherings, some may find it difficult to carve out quiet, reflective time in solitude. Others may find they are disproportionately spending time alone – and may need to seek out community even when the call to isolation beckons.

For me, I am struck by how much more I sometimes try to squeeze in to these shorter days of Winter, and I wonder if I might not be a little calmer and more content if I gave myself permission to follow the bear’s lead and hibernate. I know that quiet reflection can be a curative balm for my spirit. Yet, I often struggle to create time for it, as the fast pace of the season catches me in its current. Slowing down and prioritizing time for myself is as essential form of self-nurturing. Even more so during these busy times. When we are running from thing to thing without allowing much time to process and digest and just sit, we can become tired and frazzled. When we are already depleted, we may become more vulnerable to absorbing the stress of others. As helpers who witness others’ pain and extend ourselves with compassion, this season can be especially challenging. Through empathy, we vicariously experience the grief that often accompanies the holidays– felt empathically in the presence of those suffering and heard through their stories of loss, despair, and family fragmentation. Providing support to others in their darker days requires us to be resilient in our right.  Our resiliency is fostered through a balance of enjoyable time in connection with others and replenishing time in quiet reflection.

Noticing the tension between the pull to be social and the desire for solitude, I’ve been able to say “no” a little more readily to others and “yes” a little more easily to time for myself. Spending time cooking delicious and nutritious meals has been especially healing and restorative for me lately. I also thoroughly enjoyed a Winter Solstice Singing Concert I attended, as it encouraged reflection, included silent meditation, and helped me connect with the meaning of the season. Since then, I’ve been enjoying time listening to favorite holiday music and jazz – and cherished the look, feel, and sounds of the candle’s flame and the crackling fire.  

As we enter into this New Year, I wish you peace, joy, love – and the nurturing balance of solitude and community that is right for you.

Connecting with Peers - and Reducing Isolation

While our family and friends are critical supports in our lives, there is a limit to what we can discuss with them and the depth at which they’ll be able to understand our profession-specific concerns (unless they, themselves, are in the field – or another helping profession). Rural counselors, those in private practice, counselors in busy group practices, and those in overwhelmed community mental health settings can feel isolated. Sometimes by the reality of their geographic isolation and other times when the pace and demands of the job sometimes erode opportunities for connecting on more than a superficial level with peers. Staying well in these circumstances requires getting creative and actively working to gather the support you need.

To build your support network, try attending networking events, national and regional conferences, and professional training programs. Post questions and participate in online forums for counselors through the online community I created at www.resilientcommunity.ning.com or sites like Linked In and Psychology Today. Do research to find out who in your geographical region is doing similar work to you, contact them, and schedule a time to talk in person.

When meeting in person isn’t possible, use the phone and email colleagues – to vent, to ask questions or for support, to take a moment to tell a joke or catch up. Even if your “local” colleagues end up being three counties or two hours away, they can be a resource for you. There are several free teleconference services where the only fee is the price of the phone call through your local phone service provider.