Superman had lots of powers, but he was most often referred to as “The man of steel.” Other superheroes have their own power – usually one unique power that sets them apart from other superheroes. It’s what defines them and gives them control over their environment. Must be nice eh?The fact is human beings have a super power. It’s the same super power – the power of choice, but it’s incredibly empowering once you learn how to use it. The thing is, very few of us use our power and even more of us complain that we have no power at all.
All seven of the reasons I gave earlier this month about why so many of us fail at self-care (self included), revolve around our one failure to exercise the power of choice, or our failure to focus on the things we can control, not the things we can’t.
We all have the power to choose to stay, or go, or do, or not do something. We say, “I hate my job but I have to work.” No, you don’t have to work. You choose to work because you don’t like the consequences of not working. It’s still a choice. When you invest your power of choice in the areas, relationships and decisions where you have control (your choices), you tap into your superpower.
“I can’t afford to go back to school, buy a new car, or move into another apartment or house.” If you believe this, talk to Dave Ramsey. Ramsey has thousands upon thousands of examples of people who believed the same thing, and then turned around and paid off thousands of dollars in debt and then went back to school, bought new cars and paid off mortgages.
Social workers and those in various healing professions make the mistake of trying to change the things they cannot control – such as another person’s decisions, lifestyle or behavior. When they do that they give their power away, or negate it. If you remember your superhero lore Superman was susceptible to only one thing – Kryptonite. Kryptonite not only robbed Superman of his superhuman powers – it gave them to humans around him! Attempting to change the things you cannot change is Kryptonite to our power of choice. Not only does it rob us of our power, it hands that power over to the very people we’re trying to control!
SUMMARY:
The only power you have is choice in areas of your life that you control – namely anything to do with you. Choices have consequences. When you make a choice you choose the consequences that accompany that choice.
You don’t have to work at a job you hate. You are free to quit. The consequences of quitting may mean less money or no money, or a choice about pursuing a different job or career, but it’s still YOUR choice. It’s not that you “can’t choose to quit your job.” You’re choosing to stay in a job you hate and that makes you miserable rather than to quit and have no income or security. It’s still a choice. When you start seeing choices as a conscious decision among consequences your life will change dramatically. You will be empowered.
You can choose what to think about, what to read, what to think, what to focus on. You can choose in any arena in which you have control – namely, you only control yourself, not anyone or anything else. You can vote and choose whom to vote for, but you can’t control who wins the election.
You can choose to stop eating or buying or cooking unhealthy food, but you can’t control what other adults choose to do with their choice of food any more than you’d want them choosing what to do with yours.
You can choose to set and enforce boundaries related to your job, your family, your work and your relationships and clients. You can choose how to think, and thus how to feel, about a situation or relationship in your life.
Choice is scary. There’s no doubt about it. Too many of us prefer to live in a world where we believe decisions and choices are forced upon us. We find it easier or even comforting to believe that it’s better for others to make those decisions for us. You can do that. It’s your choice. So look at the consequences of it.
Choosing to abdicate your ability to choose means deciding to live a life of learned helplessness and lack of control over the things you can control if they are contrary to the boss, spouse or person you’ve handed your control to. Do you really trust other people so much that you know they’ll make the right choice for you?
Choosing not to abdicate your ability to choose means living a life where you make all the decisions about the things you can control. You choose between or among alternatives based on what you need, want, like or dislike. You’re free to include or not include the opinions and suggestions of others. After all – it’s totally your choice.
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