Celebrating our first small steps

My adorable goddaughter is nearly eleven months old, and she has recently begun taking her first steps. Her mother, my dear friend Robin, has been sharing news of this exciting development on Facebook and through text messages and phone calls. Talking on the phone with Robin as her daughter took a step, I heard her clapping and celebrating every upright movement, counting the number of steps as they occurred, and rejoicing in each new milestone. “She’s taken seven steps in a row now!” Robin exclaimed with pure joy and enthusiasm. Her love for her daughter and pride in this new accomplishment were evident.

What a wonderful model for all of us! Rather than reserve our enthusiasm exclusively for babies and young children, why not extend our jubilation to older children and adults too – for everyone who dares venture into new territory, courageously, one step at a time?

My friend also reminds me of the importance of having a cheering section. How much easier is it to continue moving forward, continue taking risks, or continue practicing some new skill, when we have at least one person who sees what we are doing and relishes in it? It is deeply meaningful to know that there is at least one person in our lives who is rejoicing wholeheartedly when we achieve an important milestone, someone who notices and applauds each tiny step along the way.  

Not only can we be that cheerleader for others, we can also give this gift to ourselves. If other people fail to notice or applaud our small movements forward, we can still give ourselves a pat on the back, cheer out loud, do a “happy dance” to celebrate, and cheer ourselves on in whatever way feels good. Why not? As adults, we can become far too serious and task-minded, waiting to hit large milestones before giving ourselves any credit, and missing out on prime opportunities to exclaim with glee, “I’ve just taken four steps in a row!” We DO have the power to change this. We CAN celebrate each moment and each small step forward. I invite you to begin this practice for yourself – and to become an enthusiastic supporter of the other adults in your life as well.

What small step can you celebrate today? 

A Cautionary Tale

This week, I heard a disturbing story about another helping professional. I received a call from a woman in the midst of an emotional crisis. She had sought out the services of another counselor first, a licensed therapist in practice for more than 20 years who had earned the respect of other mental health professionals throughout her career. During their third session together, this practitioner “nodded off” three times. When the client courageously confronted this person and asked for an explanation, the therapist acknowledged her tiredness and disclosed that she had been experiencing physical health problems, been in the hospital the previous evening, and had thirteen client appointments that day that she felt unable to cancel. The client had been in pain before and during the session and felt even more isolated and distressed after this experience.  This therapist had prioritized seeing clients over her need for sleep and follow-up health care. Both she and her clients suffered as a result.

When I heard this report, my initial response was one of anger and incredulity. How could a therapist consider scheduling 13 clients in one day? How could a practitioner think it was okay to see clients when so clearly tired, distressed, and impaired? I had trouble wrapping my head around the situation.

But, then I reflected back on my four years as part of the American Counseling Association’s Task Force on Counselor Wellness and Impairment – and what we learned. We are all somewhere along the continuum from well to stressed to distressed to impaired. However, we are not always clear about where we are on that continuum. In a survey of counselors, people were fairly likely to identify a colleague as stressed, distressed, or even impaired; however, they rarely identified themselves as stressed or distressed and outright denied any signs of impairment.  If we are unable to see or acknowledge our distress, we are unlikely to take the steps necessary to nurture ourselves back towards wellness. Our progression along the continuum towards health or illness does not happen in a moment or from one experience, but, rather, gradually over time as a result of our beliefs, our isolation, accumulating stressors, and the lack of support (or receptivity to support) from colleagues, friends, and family who could challenge us to curb potentially destructive patterns of behavior and self-neglect.

Further reflection on this recent discovery about another professional helper has inspired sadness and compassion for this struggling human being, as well as gratitude for the cautionary tale her unaddressed distress (and resulting impairment) provides us. 

Please take excellent care of yourselves. If concerned about a colleague, let them know. Our ability to help others depends on our ability to help ourselves first. 

Honoring Agitation

I woke up agitated today. I was not sure exactly why I felt so irritated or what I could do to lessen the feeling. What did become increasingly clear as the day went on was that pushing myself to do tasks I found unpleasant was making me feel worse.

I enjoyed a productive day of home organizing on Friday followed by two fun days with friends and family over the holiday weekend. I had plans to be productive again today and tackle some projects I felt were long overdue. However, my body, mind, and spirit had another agenda.  The more I pushed, the more restless and distracted I felt. It was like an internal game of tug of war.

Finally, I surrendered. Taking some time to sit, breathe, move, tone, and notice what I was feeling – to dive into my experience more fully rather than trying to distract myself from it or avoid it – I found a way through the agitation. Listening, I found that my voice wanted an outlet for this tension – and I toned and screamed and enjoyed the release. My body was also begging for more water in this heat – and rest.  My soul craved some spiritual reading and quiet. While I had ambitious plans today for more home organization and cleaning as well as doing some work on my business, my body overrode my mind’s desires and screamed, “NO!” The agitation was a call to listen.

When I slow down to honor that internal “static” when it appears – in agitation or distraction or sluggishness – I always learn something and feel better. It reminds me of that funny one-liner I have heard many times: “When you’re going through hell, remember to keep going.” You don’t want to get stuck in it, do you? While sometimes pushing through seems like the best strategy to “keep going,” often slowing down and really listening to ourselves and how we feel and what we need is more effective.

Time to "Do Nothing"

How often do we allow ourselves time to “do nothing”? When do you carve out space in your hurried schedule to sit or walk or reflect or play, without an agenda or an intended outcome? Regular practices of meditation or yoga or journaling – or even naps – are wonderful opportunities for rest, self-care, and self-reflection. In addition to these, I wonder about experiences of spontaneity, the choice to cast aside our routines and tasks lists and follow the whispers for whimsy in our everyday lives. When do you give yourself time – in your own home, in nature, on vacation, in a neighboring city, in the mind and soul of your creative impulse – to follow a random trail of your thoughts, feelings, and impulses and simply see what happens?  How often do you drive right off the map into unchartered territory for no reason whatsoever – except that you feel like it?

For me, I realize I don’t intentionally devote nearly as much time to this spontaneous experiencing as my heart desires. I remember, as a child growing up, how expansive time seemed. It seemed there were endless possibilities for play and adventure, limited only by the sun rising and falling in the sky and the occasional steady rain that drove us indoors.  I remember fondly how we would play detective games in which everything we noticed was another clue revealing itself, moving us a step closer to solving the mystery at hand.

Today, I continue to embrace a sense of mystery, continue to find people and nature and the universe endlessly fascinating.  I cherish those moments during which I allow myself to step out from behind the driver’s seat and to look for “clues” to the questions that excite and haunt me.  I love noticing numbers – and looking up what significance they may have. When an animal or bird catches my attention (e.g. spotting a red fox or a skunk in my yard or seeing Canadian Geese on my drive into work), I enjoy reading about possible symbolism, exploring the idea of animals as messengers along my journey.  Sometimes I embrace the random in even simpler ways, such as setting my ipod to “shuffle” and letting the music lead me where it may.

Nothing enchants me like the promise of entire day without anything planned. When people ask me, “What are your plans for the weekend?” and I respond with “Nothing,” they may notice my smile and the twinkle in my eye.  I love that “nothing” can become anything at all. Instead of accepting societal biases that label down time as unessential or doing “nothing,” I wonder if, instead, the time we devote to “nothing” may actually be the very zest of life.  

Holding Hands

Lately, more and more, I have been nourishing myself by reading Hafiz and Rumi. Today, I opened "The Gift" by Hafiz to a random page, and the poem, "A Great Need" stared back at me with a wink and a smile. The poem encourages us to hold hands as we climb, stating that "The terrain around here is far too dangerous" to consider not holding hands, not loving, not being connected to others along the journey. What a true statement!

In our society which prides itself so much on the value of rugged individualism, we can sometimes put undue pressure on ourselves to go the rough patches alone. I remind myself that no one person really ever does anything alone. We need other people alongside us on the path. To listen to our stories and to share their stories with us. To give us a hug or a place to sleep or a mug of tea or a piece of sage advice when we need comfort and sustenance.

We learn so much from the world around us and are shaped and influenced by the people in our lives and the experiences we have had. Can anyone really say that they have achieved great things on their own? We are continuously learning from others and drawing inspiration from known and unknown sources. The interconnectedness among all people is a source of great richness. By tapping into the vast wisdom of those around us, those that have come before us, and all beings in the natural world where we live, our lives can be enriched in poignant and unforeseen ways.

As a counselor, I have noticed that my best work often comes when I allow myself to deeply surrender to the moment, to the experience of not knowing, and be present for whatever arises. My work with EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) has demonstrated this to me dramatically. EMDR facilitates the mind's natural healing processes, allowing people to work through trauma and blocks in their current lives - towards healing, inner harmony, and joy. In the midst of this process, people share the most profound, spiritual insights. Experiences of divine love (a felt sense of being deeply loved and intrinsically lovable) naturally emerge through metaphor and memories within the process of EMDR. Witnessing the sweetness of love unfolding is a true gift - and reminds me time and again of our interconnectedness. My role is to offer genuine caring, share my unyielding faith in the power for positive transformation, and be present in the moment as it unfolds.

We have within us a "Great Need" as Hafiz suggests. A need for community and connection. And a need for being seen, accepted, and loved. Walking together, holding hands, we can navigate any terrain. Today, I wish you fellow travelers along your journey - and the courage to extend your hand. Extend it not only as an offering of support to others but as a gift to yourself to be received in kind.

Welcoming Prosperity, Welcoming Love

In preparing for the next series of practice-building workshops I’ll be offering this Spring, I found myself reflecting on the topic of prosperity and the internal blocks that so many skilled healthcare professionals encounter as they start, shift, expand, and grow their practices. Working individually and in groups with practitioners, I hear a wide array of inner block experiences, and several themes emerge. They include fears about scarcity and competition, guilt and confusion about whether or not it is okay to earn a comfortable living as a healer, and worries about whether it is possible to be prosperous doing work one truly LOVES.  While there are always practical considerations in growing a practice (location, startup costs, defining your specific niche, etc.), these details are rarely the places where people get stuck. Instead, the deepest blocks typically present as a crisis of faith. Here, faith can refer to faith in oneself, one’s skills, and one’s unique way of helping. It can also be understood as faith in God, the Universe, or one’s personal sense of spirituality or meaning. Those in private practice need faith that when they offer their heart, skills, and deepest passion, the world will support and receive them well. When we step forward out of fear, instead of love, we may move tentatively, creating only half of the life we envision or trusting our heads more than our hearts and designing a practice that “makes sense” but leaves us feeling bored, drained, uninspired, or burned out. Or, when listening to fear, we may not move at all.

Reflecting on this topic as I sat outside enjoying this warm Sunday, some words from the Sufi poet Hafiz came to mind. Hafiz challenges us to surrender to love, to see the divine in ourselves, and to engage our sense of play through dance, song, and laughter. Two poems in particular were moving through my mind as I enjoyed the flowering trees, sunshine, and light breeze today. The first was “The Sun in Drag” in which Hafiz writes:

You are the Sun in drag. You are God hiding from yourself. . . .

The appearance of this world is a Magi’s brilliant trick, though its affairs are nothing into nothing. You are a divine elephant with amnesia trying to live in an ant hole. . . . You are God in Drag!

The second is “Now is the Time” which concludes with these lines:

What is it in that sweet voice inside that incites you to fear? . . . .  This is the time for you to deeply compute the impossibility that there is anything but Grace.

Now is the season to know that everything you do is sacred.

Inspiration is important for our sustenance as healers, and both of these poems inspire me to remember my personal sense of meaning in this work and in this world.  For me, my best work is not solely of me but rather moves through me.  Yes, I have specific training, an advanced degree, and much learned wisdom. However, when I am most in the “flow” in my work, I am more than my training. I am intuitively connected to the person with whom I am sitting, and I am doing work I truly LOVE and that empowers, fascinates, and energizes both of us.  I believe that whenever we are clear with our passion and our path, prosperity follows. Faith doesn’t preclude the necessity for hard work; instead, faith makes the hard work and perseverance possible.

End it Already - by Becky Blanton

Reposted from Social Work PRN's Blog (follow link above):

I had a good friend and co-worker years and years go who I admired for one thing — his ability to end something quickly. Rodger was 20 years older than me and he had a knack for knowing when something or someone was just going to waste his time, resources or energy, or if they were worth hanging in there with because ultimately they’d come through. To my knowledge, he was never wrong.

Rodger never fretted, worried, weighed pros and cons or tried to rescue anything or anyone. Once he uttered the words “End it already,” we knew he was done with whatever it was he was working with. It didn’t mean the person; place or thing couldn’t be salvaged, only that he had decided it wasn’t worth investing his time, energy or resources on it or them anymore. Rodger did not pursue lost causes, or high demands on his time and energy. He knew what he was willing to invest and what he wasn’t and he wasn’t afraid to say “No.” He knew what he was worth, what his time was worth, and what kind of investment he needed to get on any work he did. He had, as they say, excellent boundaries.

Last week I put in a bid on a job with a new client. He read my proposal, checked my 30 plus testimonials from clients and sent me an email. All my former clients, except one, had rated me a perfect 5.0 score on 25 points of service. The one client in question had given me 24 out of 25 for a 4.9 score on time. I had delivered the job two days early, so it was an error they made when registering the score, but the job service won’t allow you make changes, so it stuck. It was the one imperfection, although not a true imperfection on my perfect record. He said, “Boy, that must have cranked you off.”

In my head I could hear Rodger saying, “End it already,” and telling me to walk away. But I didn’t. For the next 3 hours we exchanged 2-3 emails an hour while I answered questions, offered advice, tried to reassure and help him find solutions while I encouraged him to make a decision on his project. “We’re 90% sure it’s going to be you,” he said. “But we’re still looking at other proposals.” Eventually I looked at the clock and at the dozens of non-committal emails and the man’s demands and complaining and I ended it. It was decent money, but I was over it already. I kicked myself for not stopping sooner.

Looking back, I recognized a lot of signs, things Rodger would have noticed immediately — things that he would have said, “End it already” to. If you tend to be someone who has trouble “falling in holes,” (http://www.inspirationline.com/rss/10OCT2005.htm ) here’s a checklist for spotting trouble before it gets its hooks in you:

Pay attention to the first remarks, the first conversation and first impressions. If you’re in a job interview, at a party, on a first date, meeting a client for the first time how you’re treated is as good as it gets. My first clue was this client’s first, and unusual comment about how something very tiny “must have cranked me off.” He focused immediately on what he saw as a fault. Considering that dozens of other people had given me perfect scores and everyone had high praise, he came across as supercritical and focused on the negative. He said nothing about the positive remarks and rave reviews. Clue one.

Notice if your boundaries and value are respected. I established a time frame and said, “If you can make a decision on this and hire me by this time, I can do this job by your deadline.” The client blew off my concerns with time, but kept insisting on quality on a rush job, while expecting a lower price. Clue two.

Listen carefully and trust your gut. Does the other person hear your questions and concerns, or are they focused only on their needs? Does it FEEL good to you when you think of proceeding, or do you feel a bigger rush if you imagine yourself saying “No.”? I definitely felt relief when I imagined withdrawing my bid and I was right. I felt immediate peace the instant I hit “Send” on the withdraw button. Clue three.

Notice if the price changes. This doesn’t mean the financial price — but the time, energy and resource price. Is the person changing the rules and terms of the agreement without checking with you first? When the client doubled the scope of the project without asking if that was doable first. He was focused only on getting what he wanted, when he wanted it. Once he extended the scope to something beyond what I was willing to commit to, I withdrew. Clue four.

Cut your losses. Studies show that the more we invest in a project or person, the more likely we are to keep investing in them rather than cut our losses and run. Determine ahead of time when you will pull the plug and “end it already.” For me it was a set amount of emails and time invested without a firm commitment. I am willing to be helpful, but beyond a certain point my help becomes billable. Without a commitment to a contract I cut my losses. Clue five

Define your deal breaker. Deal breakers are the things we’re not willing to compromise on when we buy something, agree to something or get involved in something. A deal breaker for many of us is abuse of any kind. Others will tolerate occasional verbal abuse, but not physical abuse. Any abuse is a deal breaker for me. That includes over the top comments, sneers and responses to a civil email. Clue six.

More than the peace of withdrawing a bid (the first time I’ve ever done that ever) was the relief I felt at realizing that I could end it already, and will do so again should the need arise. You don’t have to please everyone and just because you start down a dead-end road doesn’t mean you have to hit the cul-de-sac before you turn around. Learn to “end it already.” There’s a difference between changing your mind and giving up. You don’t win gold stars for finishing if all you succeed in doing is beating yourself up, violating your boundaries and feeling bad about finishing when you wanted to walk away. To every thing is a season, and when it’s time to end it, it’s time to end it. Walk away. There are some things that can’t be salvaged and some things that shouldn’t be salvaged. Either way, the solution is the same. Cut your losses and leave.

Spinning Plates

Often when people speak about the many competing demands on their time, they use the metaphor of juggling. For me, I prefer the image of the Chinese acrobat troupe spinning plates atop long poles. It always seems amazing that they are able to get one plate or bowl spinning, let alone seven or twelve. Watching these performers as they add more and more plates, I laugh to myself and reflect on my life. I love the challenge of adding a new plate while keeping the already spinning plates spinning. This usually remains possible. And when it isn’t possible, I have learned (and continue to learn) that it is okay to put down one plate before getting another one going. And sometimes it is even okay to put them all down for a while, walk off stage, and leave the theatre altogether for a while. There are other acrobats in the troupe, others who will keep the audience entertained while I do what I need to do to take care of myself.  During these past few months, this blog was a plate I decided to stop spinning while my gaze turned elsewhere. Today, I am happy to pick it up again and rejoin you in this dialogue.  How DO we care well for ourselves while focusing our efforts on taking good care of others? 

I am someone who keeps myself pretty busy.  Professionally, I like to do a lot of different things and therefore am usually involved in several different work projects simultaneously. I lead a supervision group for those seeking LPC Licensure. I facilitate a women’s personal growth group. Working with couples, I help them learn communication and conflict resolution skills, change non-productive ways of relating, and help them develop greater intimacy and compassion for one another. As an individual therapist, I help people heal unresolved traumas so that they can experience greater joy in their lives. I provide consultation to other therapists seeking certification in EMDR (a comprehensive, trauma-informed therapy model). I teach workshops on practice-building to other practitioners in healthcare and healing arts. I have my hands in many different activities simultaneously, and I love it.

Socially, I enjoy staying in touch and sharing time with many colleagues, friends, and family members. I have remained connected to friends since high school, college, and graduate school. I have friends who are artists and writers, friends who are in the helping professions like me, friends in corporate jobs, friends who are entrepreneurs, close girlfriends, couples friends with whom my husband and I enjoy socializing, and fellow travelers on a spiritual path.

In addition to time in connection with others, I also love seeing live music, attending interesting cultural events, reading, and pursuing a range of hobbies from painting to hiking to photography and whatever else strikes my fancy in the moment.

I cherish and celebrate the diversity in my life. It is difficult for me to imagine “streamlining” my life, or simplifying it, such that I would focus only on one aspect of my work or one type of leisure activity at a time. The way I live my life brings me tremendous reward and joy and really fuels my curiosity and thirst for variety. However, for people who are enthusiastic about life in the ways that I am (if you know the Enneagram, my “type” is “The Enthusiast”), we run the risk of burning the candle at both ends and, ultimately, burning ourselves out if we don’t learn to say “no” to some things, set limits, and prioritize balance and health.

This is an ever-present challenge for me. There is always something new and shiny on the horizon pulling me towards it, enticing me with promises of how fascinating or fun it will be.

I have learned, over time, that the two most important practices that support mindful discernment and balance in my life are sleep and meditation.  When I get at least seven and a half hours of sleep, I think more clearly. My choices are more likely to be in harmony with my long-term goals and my current-day well-being.  Meditation – and mindfulness practices in general – help me to slow down, and slowing down is absolutely essential for someone like me. When I slow down, I remember what is most important. I am able to filter through all the many choices that appeal to me in a given moment and see the big picture of my life.  I am able to pause before saying “yes” to the new gleaming possibility on the horizon and consider how saying “yes” would really impact my life in the short term and the long term.

Even with these practices in place, sometimes my life begins to feel like a locomotive going one hundred and twenty down the tracks with no station in sight. I have committed to too many things at once, and it requires more than sleep and daily quiet reflection to get myself back in balance.  I begin to feel depleted only half way through my day, and I lose the spark, the joy, for my work, my play, and my relationships.  At these times, a walk in nature provides the solace and connection I seek. Remembering the metaphor of the plate-spinning acrobat, I make a choice to walk off stage and devote an hour, a day, a weekend, or even longer to time with myself doing whatever most feeds me in the moment. This time in retreat offers the rest and replenishment I need to re-enter my life feeling replenished, curious, and juicy once again.

If you are a plate-spinning caregiver like me, what do you do that most sustains and nourishes you? How do you keep your feet firmly planted on the ground as you spin plates in your own life?

Gratitude for every little thing

I have been on quite a journey in these past several months, and I imagine you have been too. Life IS such a journey, such an adventure. While there have been many things that have struck me as fascinating, several moments of exquisite joy, and profound experiences of quiet reflection since I wrote last, I haven’t yet found a way to capture this leg of my journey in written words. I’ve jotted down a dozen different ideas for blog topics from the experiences of these past several months, and my hope is to begin writing them down, one by one, over the next few weeks. I look forward to sharing them with you.

Today, I was moved to write by my appreciation for the holiday of Thanksgiving. I love that we set aside an entire day to express gratitude. Gratitude has been on the forefront of my mind for a while now, as I made a decision in mid-August to begin posting a (nearly) daily expression of gratitude on my Facebook wall. A friend of mine had been doing this, and I just loved reading what she wrote. I decided to challenge myself to do the same, and I have really enjoyed it. Some days, I find that my gratitude is more related to work, and sometimes it is more personal. There are times that I have witnessed beautiful, awe-inspiring events, and there are challenging moments that help me appreciate better all the other moments I experience of genuine ease. Today, I was stuck behind a driver whose slow, traffic-light-stopping behavior created an initial reaction of judgment and annoyance. Stopped at the yellow light behind this person, I reflected back on all the times I made the light easily and all the commutes when I drove effortlessly to work and home again. By the time the light turned green, my energy had already completely changed for the positive, and I found myself smiling. From the simple practice of intentionally keeping my eyes open to all there is to appreciate, I have been experiencing a profound shift and lightening in my perspective.

I believe that every moment has the potential to engender gratitude. Regardless of whether I may wish to judge a single moment as “good” or “bad,” the accumulation of these single moments comprises the fabric of my life. So, what kind of tapestry am I weaving? I have the freedom to appreciate each moment. Or the freedom to lament about what that moment could have been but was not. For me, I choose to cultivate a spirit of gratitude – to celebrate the wonderful moments and to honor the gifts of those difficult times too.  I am grateful for my ability to make this choice and for the support I’ve received along the way that empowers me to do so.

On this Thanksgiving holiday, I express heartfelt love for the healers and teachers who have deeply enriched my life, whose nourishing spirits have empowered me to reach further and believe more, and whose compassion has sustained me in the darkest hours. I am also grateful for all the unintentional teachers I have known, those people and experiences who taught me lessons I had no desire to learn but that helped me grow in ways I couldn’t even imagine possible.

Finally, I wish to thank all of you who are following this blog. I appreciate your support along this journey and your encouragement to keep writing.  If you feel inspired to share your experiences, I’d love to hear about the role of gratitude in your own life. 

Wishing you peace, joy, inspiration, and resiliency on Thanksgiving!

Elizabeth

Laughter Yoga

Laughter Yoga is an exercise and wellness routine that combines fun laughter activities with deep yoga breathing. It was developed in 1995 by Dr. Madan Kataria.  A physician fascinated by medical research demonstrating the positive health benefits of laughter, he decided to start the very first laughter club through an informal “experiment” in which he brought together a group of just five people at a local park in Mumbai, India with just one task: To laugh. They told jokes and funny stories and invited others in the park to join them. Their small group quickly grew to over fifty people! However, Dr. Kataria soon realized being funny was not the best pathway to laughter, as sense of humor is very personal, and offense is as likely to emerge as laughter when jokes are involved.  In his effort to address this challenge, he reviewed laughter research and discovered that the body cannot differentiate between fake and real laughter. We get the same profound health benefits whether we are simulating laughter or engaging in the real deal!

Laughter yoga is based on the principle that anyone can laugh at any time for no reason whatsoever, without relying on humor, jokes, or comedy. Since that first gathering in the park only 16 years ago, laughter yoga has now expanded to over 6000 laughter clubs worldwide.

In laughter yoga, we encourage laughter through simulated body exercises and interactive activities in a group. Using eye contact and childlike playfulness, this “pretend” laughter soon turns into real and contagious laughter. The health benefits from laughter include improved mood, strengthened immune system functioning, decreased stress, lowered blood pressure, and experiences of pain relief. To top it off, laughing is FUN!

For more information on laughter yoga, check out the links below, and enjoy the video of the baby laughing. This baby was born knowing how to laugh. Research has shown that, on average, children laugh approximately 200 times per day, whereas adults laugh only seven times. Laughter yoga helps us reclaim our natural tendency to laugh and helps us learn to take ourselves less seriously. Join Elizabeth Venart on Mondays at 9:30 a.m. at The Resiliency Center for a weekly laughter yoga club. Learn more and RSVP through our Meetup group. 

Laughter yoga can be practiced in groups, done alone, or learned and deepened by working individually with a Laughter Yoga Instructor.  Elizabeth Venart, a Licensed Professional Counselor, and the Founder of The Resiliency Center, gained certification as a Laughter Yoga Instructor in June. Since that time, she has been offering the laughter club and also infusing laughter yoga into her work with individuals and groups.  To learn more about Elizabeth Venart, visit her website or give her a call at 215-542-5004.

Baby Laughing

Introduction to the Steps of Laughter Yoga

Dr. Kataria’s Laughter Yoga Website

Laughter Yoga Program on Discovery Channel

Dr. Kataria, Founder of Laughter Yoga, Laughing Silently at 5:00 am

Yang-Sheng Mind-Body Research Update article

Reap What You Sow and How You Sow - Republished from Social Work PRN

Reap What You Sow and How You Sow

by BECKY BLANTON on AUGUST 11, 2011 · 0 COMMENTS

Soil, it appears, is no respecter of seeds. Good soil will grow whatever is planted in it – be it weeds, tomatoes or grass. It’s not really particular about how the seed gets there either. It can blow in, be dropped on the surface, planted, and transplanted or root from a vine that creeps down from a planter. Soil has one job – to provide nutrients to what is sown.

It’s a lot like the human brain that way. Whatever thoughts, bias, beliefs, words or concepts are blown or sown into our awareness, through books, movies, video games, conversations or friends – the brain will nurture those things, grow them and make sure we reap what we have sown – for good or bad.

By consistently weeding my garden this summer I’ve kept the plants I didn’t want – the crabgrass, clover and whatever – out, and allowed the plants I did want, tomatoes, squash, peppers and herbs, to flourish – at least until the squash bugs invaded.

Sowing and reaping has become a metaphor for me in other ways. I’ve watched my fears; my doubts, my confidence and my habits grow just as easily as my garden has. What I’ve learned of course is that the old clichés are true – what you water grows, pluck out the bad or undesirable thoughts before they have a chance to grow and so on. But I learned something else I did not know:

What vegetables you plant next to each other impacts how each plant grows. By planting basil next to my tomatoes for instance, I inadvertently helped both plants grow bigger and stronger and increase the flavor of both plants!

The pungent odor of marigolds keeps certain diseases and bugs off of tomato plants.

I learned that I shouldn’t plant fennel next to tomatoes because it inhibits their growth – which is true in the corner where I planted one tomato plant next to fennel. It is the smallest plant in the garden.

There are dozens of combinations of plants you should or should not plant next to each other. Some combinations include providing shade for a plant at a critical growth stage; others involve plants that compete for the same nutrients versus plants that give back beneficial nutrients.

It’s all very fascinating and complex to me, a new gardener. But it occurred to me that by combining certain habits and thoughts in my life I can also inhibit or support the thoughts and habits I’m planting. By combining exercise and breakfast, working out early instead of waiting until my sleepy afternoon energy lull, my exercising has gone so much better because it’s actually easier to go in the morning and nap later rather than sleep in.

By making the phone calls and doing the things I don’t enjoy doing after I eat lunch instead of on an empty stomach, I’m less likely to be grouchy and impatient and more likely to be calm and relaxed. Those are the obvious things. But when I made the connection around environment, energy, mood, habits and other things I realized that by grouping certain things with other things (no matter how bizarre it may seem to other people) I can get more done with less effort.

If you’ve been in the profession any amount of time you know that who you schedule as your first or last appointment can set the tone for your day, or for your evening.  Not many LCSW want to come back from lunch to their most non-stimulating client of the day if they tend to be sleepy after lunch.

If client placement in your day is so important to conserving energy and attention, what about the rest of your life? Do you really think about how you group things like dinner? Paperwork? Meetings? Exercise? Self-care? Vacations? Dating or time with your spouse?

Married friends of mine have a regular “date night” once a week so they can get away from the kids for a few hours. The dates had been mostly stressful and filled with talk of the kids and non-romantic things and not going very well. They even talked of stopping the practice. Then their work schedules one month forced them to change date night to a Wednesday night instead of the usual Friday night. What they found was they were less stressed in the middle of the week and had more energy. Date night became fun!

They realized that by going out on a Wednesday instead of a Friday they weren’t thinking of the next day and all the soccer games, kid’s sleepovers, laundry, cleaning and chores they had to do over the weekend. They could relax and enjoy each other’s company, knowing all they had the next day was work. The restaurants they liked were less crowded, almost empty, as were the theatres and other places they typically visited on a Friday night. The trade-off was they were up later on a work night, but realized they slept better with a mid-week break so the change worked.

The added bonus was that instead of date night with each other, Friday nights became date night with the kids, enabling them to spend time with their children watching DVDs, eating pizza, playing games and just hanging out before they all went in six different directions the next day – a Saturday.

You’re going to reap what you sow, so why not plant your life in a way that what you reap is the best it can be?

Enjoying life’s unexpected gifts and simple pleasures

This morning I was blessed to experience – and notice I was experiencing – a series of pleasantly surprising and truly enjoyable moments.  It began on a visit to my chiropractor’s office. Donna Funk is a network chiropractor and works simultaneously on several different people (allowing your body to rest between adjustments). Between Donna’s skill, the comfortable tables, and the peaceful music, the experience of having Donna work on you is relaxing and transformative. There were five of us on tables during my visit this morning, and, as sometimes happens, we somehow ended up engaging in a very funny conversation. Today’s topic was   “Chocovine.” Chocovine is a chocolate-infused dessert wine from Holland. We were all giggling at the thought of drinking chocovine through straws as we lay face down on the tables getting adjusted. We broke into laughter at the idea that we could create a wildly funny commercial endorsing Chocovine and our chiropractor, beaming in unison about how “divine” our experience had been. Getting adjusted, laughing, enjoying community – What a fabulous way to start the day!

From my chiropractor’s office, I headed out on some errands. I marveled and rejoiced when the first spot in the parking lot was available for me at, not one, but all three of the stores where I went. Amazing! Then, at the bank, they were able to resolve a previously complicated issue with ease and humor, and I really enjoyed talking with the bank employee who helped me. After this, I went on my Blackberry and scrolled through Facebook posts, only to learn from my friend Edie Weinstein that today is “Wiggle your toes day.” This piece of information not only caused me to wiggle with glee but to giggle enthusiastically. What fun! Since being trained in laughter yoga in June - and engaging in a regular laughter yoga practice since then - I have been able to laugh more and more easily. I love laughing, and I love sharing laughter yoga with others. I find myself opening to deeper experiences of joy and love. 

When I settled down on the couch at home to read a book later, my two kitties snuggled up beside me. On my right, sweet Zoe had her paws criss-crossed in front of her, resting gently on my leg.  On my left, Lucy placed her little head on my lap and purred. What a beautiful moment to celebrate! Filled with gratitude for this wondrous morning, I sat down to write and share my experiences with all of you. While seemingly simple, and possibly insubstantial to some, this lovely tapestry of moments uplifted my spirit and energized me for the day ahead.

Today I wish you moments of laughter, love, and pure joy – and an open heart with which to experience the mini-miracles around you every day. 

Self-Care is Not Self-Pampering: Republished from Social Work PRN

Self-Care is Not Self-Pampering

Posted: 22 Jul 2011 03:00 AM PDT

Ask anyone what they do for “self-care” and their answers are more likely to sound like “self-pampering” or “self-indulgence,” such as:
“I take a hot bubble-bath. I treat myself to a meal in a nice restaurant or some new shoes. I get a pedicure or a manicure. I get a massage. I have a pizza or drinks with friends when I’m stressed. I do something nice for myself as often as I can afford it.”
Pampering and self-indulgence are fine if you can afford them, but they’re not the things you do to ensure self-care that meets your needs for physical, emotional, spiritual and mental health.
Self-care is personal health maintenance – in other words, it’s anything that restores, improves, maintains, treats or prevents disease. It’s what we do to balance the stressors and demands of our life in a way that benefits our emotional, physical and mental health.
Self-care includes meeting our needs for:

• Physical fitness and exercise and overall health
• Nutrition and medical care, adequate supplements, medicine and treatments
• Hygiene – including a healthy home and work environment and surroundings
• Sleep and relaxation
• Spiritual needs, emotional and mental health needs
• Life Skills such as communication, relationships, assertiveness, boundary setting.

If you’ve felt frustrated after pampering and indulging yourself and still not feeling complete or healthy – chances are that misunderstanding the role of self-care and why we need it is part of the problem.
If you have a client who is unable to find or hold down a job, sustain a healthy and safe relationship, eat healthy foods, give up alcohol, drugs and compulsive behaviors, take responsibility for themselves or their lives, money, health or personal safety, you’re not likely to tell them to “take a bubble bath,” or “buy yourself something nice,” until their most basic self-care needs have been met first.
Self-care for yourself is no different. Social workers who don’t have life skills such as critical decision making, communication, boundary setting, financial literacy, cognitive restructuring, self-soothing, anger management and even parenting skills aren’t going to improve their lives with a manicure, a weekend at the beach or a bubble bath. Those things might distract us from the lack of life skills, or fitness, or spiritual needs – but they won’t meet those needs.
Self-care includes all the health decisions you need to make for yourself in order to get and stay physically and mentally fit. If you’re feeling stressed, burned out, fatigued, exhausted, angry, depressed or anxious some self-pampering might help, but it won’t heal. Self-care is giving yourself the gift of wellness.  Putting yourself first is not selfish. It’s smart. Nurturing yourself and making sure you are 100% fit ensures you’ll be around for a long time to take care of all the people in your life you love and are responsible for. If you can’t evaluate yourself, then find a medical or mental health professional that can.

Risking Vulnerability

In July, The Resiliency Center hosted the second half of the EMDR Basic Training with trainer Barb Maiberger (from Boulder, Colorado) and twelve dedicated and caring clinicians. As a Certified EMDR therapist, I was honored to participate in the training as a consultant and to offer support and guidance to the therapists learning this new modality.  Over these three days, I felt inspired by the courage I witnessed in our practitioner community. A large part of the EMDR training is experiential, as therapists authentically engage from the roles of both counselor and client. Bearing witness to the risks taken by the community of clinicians in the EMDR training was deeply gratifying, as I saw tremendous openness, compassion, and health among this amazing group of practitioners.

Allowing ourselves to be vulnerable is rarely easy. While we may know intellectually that all people have old hurts and unprocessed “stuff,” we sometimes fall into the trap of thinking that, as practitioners, we should somehow be immune from the effects of our past experiences or have already worked through all of them. In reality, personal and professional growth is a lifelong endeavor, and our old wounds may surface time and again for deeper healing. Prioritizing time to do our own work is a key component of what keeps us well and thriving in our work – and in our lives. I know that my ability to be fully attuned and skillful as a counselor and consultant depends upon my own active process of healing and growth. I love engaging in this process. I love experiential trainings as well as acupuncture, massage, laughter yoga, journal writing, meditating, painting, and participating in a women’s group. I also love dialoguing with other professionals about their wellness practices. If you haven’t already responded to any of the posts on this blog, please do. I’d love to hear from each of you about how you keep yourself healthy. In what ways do you insure that you are keeping your instrument tuned?

Super Powers - Republished from Social Work PRN

Human Being’s One Super Power

by BECKY BLANTON on JULY 20, 2011 · 0 COMMENTS

Superman had lots of powers, but he was most often referred to as “The man of steel.” Other superheroes have their own power – usually one unique power that sets them apart from other superheroes. It’s what defines them and gives them control over their environment. Must be nice eh?

The fact is human beings have a super power. It’s the same super power – the power of choice, but it’s incredibly empowering once you learn how to use it. The thing is, very few of us use our power and even more of us complain that we have no power at all.

All seven of the reasons I gave earlier this month about why so many of us fail at self-care (self included), revolve around our one failure to exercise the power of choice, or our failure to focus on the things we can control, not the things we can’t.

We all have the power to choose to stay, or go, or do, or not do something. We say, “I hate my job but I have to work.” No, you don’t have to work. You choose to work because you don’t like the consequences of not working. It’s still a choice.  When you invest your power of choice in the areas, relationships and decisions where you have control (your choices), you tap into your superpower.

“I can’t afford to go back to school, buy a new car, or move into another apartment or house.”  If you believe this, talk to Dave Ramsey. Ramsey has thousands upon thousands of examples of people who believed the same thing, and then turned around and paid off thousands of dollars in debt and then went back to school, bought new cars and paid off mortgages.

Social workers and those in various healing professions make the mistake of trying to change the things they cannot control – such as another person’s decisions, lifestyle or behavior. When they do that they give their power away, or negate it. If you remember your superhero lore Superman was susceptible to only one thing – Kryptonite. Kryptonite not only robbed Superman of his superhuman powers – it gave them to humans around him! Attempting to change the things you cannot change is Kryptonite to our power of choice. Not only does it rob us of our power, it hands that power over to the very people we’re trying to control!

SUMMARY:

The only power you have is choice in areas of your life that you control – namely anything to do with you. Choices have consequences. When you make a choice you choose the consequences that accompany that choice.

You don’t have to work at a job you hate. You are free to quit. The consequences of quitting may mean less money or no money, or a choice about pursuing a different job or career, but it’s still YOUR choice. It’s not that you “can’t choose to quit your job.” You’re choosing to stay in a job you hate and that makes you miserable rather than to quit and have no income or security. It’s still a choice. When you start seeing choices as a conscious decision among consequences your life will change dramatically. You will be empowered.

You can choose what to think about, what to read, what to think, what to focus on. You can choose in any arena in which you have control – namely, you only control yourself, not anyone or anything else. You can vote and choose whom to vote for, but you can’t control who wins the election.

You can choose to stop eating or buying or cooking unhealthy food, but you can’t control what other adults choose to do with their choice of food any more than you’d want them choosing what to do with yours.

You can choose to set and enforce boundaries related to your job, your family, your work and your relationships and clients. You can choose how to think, and thus how to feel, about a situation or relationship in your life.

Choice is scary. There’s no doubt about it. Too many of us prefer to live in a world where we believe decisions and choices are forced upon us. We find it easier or even comforting to believe that it’s better for others to make those decisions for us. You can do that. It’s your choice. So look at the consequences of it.

Choosing to abdicate your ability to choose means deciding to live a life of learned helplessness and lack of control over the things you can control if they are contrary to the boss, spouse or person you’ve handed your control to. Do you really trust other people so much that you know they’ll make the right choice for you?

Choosing not to abdicate your ability to choose means living a life where you make all the decisions about the things you can control. You choose between or among alternatives based on what you need, want, like or dislike. You’re free to include or not include the opinions and suggestions of others. After all – it’s totally your choice.

Which will it be? Isn’t it about time you owned your superpower?

Committing to Self-Care by Becky Blanton (Social Work PRN reposting)

Committing to Self Care

by BECKY BLANTON on JULY 7, 2011 · 0 COMMENTS

“The irony of commitment is that it’s deeply liberating – in work, in play, in love. The act frees you from the tyranny of your internal critic, from the fear that likes to dress itself up and parade as rational hesitation. To commit is to remove your head as the barrier to your life.” – Anne Morriss

Get lots of sleep. Eat healthy. Go to the gym. Treat yourself to a night out. Keep up with a regular support group. Do you know what all these things have in common? They’re impossible to do if you don’t make YOU a priority. And if you can’t set boundaries, say “No,” to people, including your family, friends and boss, then chances are you aren’t going to be able to do any of these things regularly enough to make a difference.

You’re a candle flaming out on both ends and an inferno waiting to catch fire and burn the house (or your life) down.

If you’re serious about self-care the first thing you’ll evaluate is your ability to make you the number one priority in your life. Unless you’re committed to yourself, no one else will be. Why should they be? If you aren’t important enough to you to take care of you, why should anyone else care?

Back in college I had a friend who was a runner. Every morning, or every day, rain, shine, freezing sleet, hail or snow she ran five to ten miles. It didn’t matter if a group of us went on vacation, or she was in some strange city for a job interview, she ran.  When she partied until 3 a.m. and came home drunk, she still got up at noon and ran, whether she had a hangover or not. We all tried to everything we could to dissuade her from her routine and couldn’t. In the 20 years I’ve known her the only thing that kept her from the treadmill or the road was a physically disabling injury that prevented her from walking or running. And then she swam.

That’s dedication. She wasn’t an Olympic athlete. She didn’t compete outside of the occasional local road race. She was just devoted to her running. I never understood that until this week. I was expecting friends from out-of-town. They were having car problems and weren’t sure when they’d be in. I gave them the address of the gym and told them if I wasn’t home they could find me there – that I didn’t take my cell phone to the gym. I not only didn’t change or rearrange my schedule to be there for them, I never even considered not going to the gym – even if it inconvenienced them. That’s a huge step for me – queen of the co-dependents – to take.

Oddly enough, the decision to commit to my own health came in one fell swoop, with an off-the cuff remark from my trainer. I came in to a session one morning talking about all the objections I had to overcome every morning in order to show up to work out. She listened patiently then shrugged.

“You just haven’t made yourself a priority yet,” was all she said. She didn’t need or want excuses. They were just flags that kept me from facing the reality of what was going on. I hadn’t made myself or the gym, a priority. After thinking about it over the weekend however I decided that no matter what, come hell or high water, I would be at the gym every day at 6 a.m. I committed to making myself, my health and well-being, a priority.

I quit focusing on the reasons I didn’t want to go (tired, sleepy, sore, too much work) and focused on one thing – that I had committed to be there no matter what. Then I went. If I was tired, behind schedule, on deadline, sick, sore, distracted – I went. Once I was there the thing I thought might keep me from being there disappeared. In about six weeks I discovered a really strange change. I couldn’t NOT go to the gym. Now when something appears to try and dissuade me from my workouts I get antsy, anxious, irritable, even angry. Maybe it’s the endorphin addiction. Or maybe I’ve just discovered how good it feels to take care of me and I don’t want to lose that.  But I believe it’s just a demonstration of the power of commitment.

Three months ago I committed to never going to bed without my kitchen sink being empty, clean and all the dishes put away. Now it’s a habit. I committed to eating breakfast (I’ve NEVER been a breakfast eater), and now I never miss a morning. The secret is not so much in finding reasons to do it as much as it is in simply deciding to do it. A reason is nice, but it can make it easier for your rationale mind to talk you out of your decision.

Things to AVOID when committing to self-care

• Avoid hedging your bets. As Yoda, the Jedi Master in Star Wars says, “Do or not do. There is no try.” Hedging your bets is not committing. You can’t be “a little bit pregnant.” Think of breakfast – the chicken (eggs) is hedging their bets; the pig (bacon) is committed.

• Avoid saying, “I’ll try it.” That’s a different version of hedging your bets. If you want to limit your commitment, then set a date. “I’ll commit to one week of walking 20 minutes a day. I’ll commit to six months. I’ll commit to 12 sessions.” Just commit and stick with it. Remind yourself you only committed to it for set amount of time. Alcoholics say, “One day at a time.” If that’s all you can commit to, then commit to one day, one hour or one minute at a time.

• Avoid considering other options. Don’t say, “Well, I’ll take this job, but I’m going to keep looking.” Commit to the one job for a period of time and say, “I’ll commit to this job for six months, or a year and if it doesn’t work out after I put everything into it, I’ll start looking for another job.” Then commit to a date that you’ll find another job or quit by. I guarantee it will definitely drive your hunting if you commit to quitting by a certain date, job or not.

• Avoid committing to self-care simply because your boss or spouse wants you to do it, or because it’s important to them. If your spouse wants you to commit to exercising and you really don’t want to do that, then commit to your spouse. That may mean you both walk or exercise. If you love your spouse and want to commit to spending more time with them more than you want to commit to going to the gym, chances are you’ll find the energy and drive to stick with the exercise. If you don’t have a spouse, then find something you can commit to, such as “I’m committed to keeping my job and that involves self-care such as eating healthy and exercising.”

• Avoid committing to anything that violates your personal ethics, boundaries or beliefs. The guilt you’ll feel over the duration will erode or corrupt any gains you may receive from the commitment.

Things to DO when committing to your self-care

• Have a plan and write it down. Read it every morning. It might be something as simple as, “I’m going to get up an hour earlier every morning and work out, or write my book, or meditate, or eat breakfast,” but have a plan and review it every day until you know it in your sleep.

• Set a time frame and commit to the duration of it. E.g., “I’m going to walk for 30 minutes every morning until I lose 25 pounds.”  It doesn’t matter if it’s one day, one week, one month or one year. Pick a time frame and finish out the time.

• Take your head out of the game. Stop rationalizing; stop looking for or considering excuses, quit coming up with reasons to change your mind or your plan. Just commit and go. As Nike says, “Just Do It.”

• Commit to something you want to do, never commit to something someone else wants you to do. If you want to be successful commitment has to come from your desire to do whatever it is for you and your best interests.

• Commit only to things you believe in and that are in keeping with your faith, ethics and boundaries. When things get difficult or challenging our rational mind will find any excuse to quit and quitting over shame, guilt or non-compatible beliefs about the project is one of the first things we consider when deciding whether to quit.

Examine all your options, ethics, consequences and potential conflicts BEFORE you commit. Once you come up to the edge of the cliff you can’t change your mind once you’re in mid-air. Have the same mind-set when committing to take care of yourself and you’ll soon realize that what looked like a leap off the edge of a cliff was really a leap into the updraft that will help you learn to fly.